


Where Do We Go From Here?

by Afsaint



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, angst with the tiniest bit of hope, canon-divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 19:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Afsaint/pseuds/Afsaint
Summary: 5x09 aftermath of Bellamy's choice, but Clarke didn't leave in the rover.





	Where Do We Go From Here?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first time I've written for Bellarke. And this is what listening to JoJo's When Love Hurts the acoustic version will produce.

Clarke sat by the fire stroking Madi’s hair as she lay her head in her lap. She almost lost her today. Again. With Diyoza out of the picture and Madi forced to lead these people into battle, Clarke wasn’t sure how she would keep her safe tomorrow. With a sigh Clarke leaned down and placed a kiss on the side of her head and whispered, 

‘I won’t let anything bad happen to you Madi. I promise.’ 

There was a shuffling behind her and Clarke tensed slightly her hand already reaching for the gun she stole off of Miller. Just then the wind picked up and she recognized Bellamy’s scent. Clarke didn’t turn around simply continued stroking Madi’s hair as she waited for Bellamy to make a decision on what he wanted to do. Luckily she didn’t have to wait long. He sat himself down right next to her, his body so close that she wondered if he noticed. She certainly did. It was all she wanted ever since she laid eyes on him again. All she wanted since that prisoner transport came down and she realized that she’d have to fight once again. 

Of course that was before he went back on his word and broke her trust. Broke her heart she admitted to herself while suppressing the urge to rub at that spot on her chest.

They sat in silence for a while Clarke switching her gaze from the fire to Madi while Bellamy’s eyes flickered from the stars to Clarke. Breathing. Alive. And still breathtaking. He felt that pang again in his chest as he looked at her wanting to say so much, wanting to reach out in someway, but he didn’t know where to start. 

‘Clarke-’

‘Don’t.’ Her voice cracked at the word so she whispered to disguised the pain further. ‘Not now.’ 

‘I’m sorry Clarke,’ he said not bothering to disguise the pain and regret in his voice. He couldn’t look at her anymore as she held back her tears and her body stiffened in anger. He knew the signs even after so long, replaying their every moment together for six long years until he couldn’t even blink without remembering.

‘I said don’t. I’m not ready to hear your excuses.’

‘I thought… we would have been able to keep her safe.’ 

‘No you couldn’t. Not from this because now at thirteen she gets to lead an entire army to battle and live with the guilt that comes from making life and death decisions for everyone.’ 

‘Clarke we couldn’t have predicted that Diyoza would lose-’

‘I trusted you and you broke that Bellamy,’ Clarke hissed looking down at Madi immediately when she began to stir. She went back to stroking the girl’s hair letting the soothing action calm her own anger and hurt. Meanwhile Bellamy sat there with a stunned look on his face as if she had slapped him again unable to make sense of the crushing sense of doom that settled into his gut at her words. The last time he felt this way he was closing the rocket’s door and blasting off into space leaving Clarke behind. Something that he couldn’t do even now with his heart breaking. Tears sprang up in their eyes as they let themselves be suffocated in the heavy silence that followed her words. 

Clarke thought of the betrayal when Bellamy told her he was giving Madi the flame. the devastation she felt when he didn’t include her in his list of people he considered his family. The fear when she saw Madi lying there unresponsive all the way to the rover and finally the shock at that grounder kneeling before Madi. It’s what led her back into the bunker just as Octavia was making her grand speech and why she help Madi finish the ascension. It’s also why she is now trying desperately not to fall apart in front of the only person she used to feel comfortable breaking around. 

Still, the longer they sat in the silence the more Clarke couldn’t help but notice the way Bellamy’s shoulder’s hunched forward as if weighted despite how desperately he tried to keep them up. She noticed the way his hands would fidget with his sleeve, his shoelace or whatever was close by opening and closing in his restlessness even while the rest of his body was still. Most of all she noticed his face, the way it would scrunch up with pain and guilt- something that even after six years without him she could recognize in her sleep. It was the tear that did it for her. A single drop falling down his cheek and before she had time to think she was reaching over to wipe it away. 

Bellamy looked over in shock and held her gaze as he tried to understand the look in her eyes. Clarke was taking in the new lines in his face, the sadness and confusion in his eyes and felt her heart give a traitorous thump. Something stirring in her blood rushing through her body that was telling her this man was safe. Around him she is safe and Clarke was reminded. She loves him. 

Bellamy watched as her own tears started to fall then, but before he could do anything she shook her head and turned back to looking into the fire wiping them away herself. Bellamy’s hand hovered awkwardly toward Clarke thinking for one very brief moment he thought he saw her eyes go soft and was once again filled with confusion. Madi’s sleepy sigh brought him back to his senses and he brought his hands back to his side never taking his gaze off of Clarke feeling a stirring in his blood, the bone deep knowledge that with this woman he is safe. And Bellamy realized. He loves her.

As night carried on, neither willing to move, they sat and quietly loved the other, wishing things were different, and wondering where to go from here.


End file.
